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Perfection Vs Imperfection

by | Feb 26, 2013 | Birth Art Cafe | 2 comments

Painted Stones

Painted Stones

A few days ago I had the pleasure of attending a fun stone painting workshop with the lovely artist, Lexy Penn-Carver from Soul Stones.  She brought several stones for us to choose from in all shapes and sizes.  As a recovering perfectionist, I noticed that I was drawn to the smooth, round, flat stones which were like a clean slate on which to allow my own colours and images fill the space.  I felt a reluctance to pick the more irregular shaped stones with several nooks and crannies with splodges of colour.  Lexy encouraged us to draw out the “imperfections”  and make them into features by, for example, filling the cracks with gold, silver or sparkles.  She suggested we let the stones speak to us and allow the our imagery to unfold on the stones as we painted and drew.

This process reminded me of the wise story about the cracked pot: a water-bearer had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which he carried across his neck.  One pot was in perfect condition whereas the other one had a crack in it.  Every day the water-bearer walked to the well to fill up the pots with water but returned with the perfect one full and the cracked one only half full.  The cracked pot was ashamed of his imperfection and inability to fullfill his task properly.  After several months of the water-bearer repeating this journey, the side of the path on which the cracked pot was carried, was filled with wild flowers that had grown as a result of the drops of water dripping from the cracks.   The cracks and flaws in each of us  make us unique and perfect in our imperfection.

As founder of the Birth Art Cafe (a weekly gathering to prepare for birth and motherhood through creativity and relaxation), the quality of perfection is one that I often observe arising in women preparing for birth and motherhood.  They want the “perfect” textbook birth, however that might look like in their book.  What they often overlook is that like the irregular stone or cracked pot, they bring their whole life experience to their birth and mothering.  All the beliefs they created during their childhood about what they witnessed, experienced and were told by their parents, teachers and culture represent the stone on which they paint their birth.  Allowing the nooks and crannies of their past to be integrated within the context of their journey into motherhood allows them to celebrate the “imperfections” by highlighting them with gold or glitter.

When Priya of Lotus Blue came to the Birth Art Cafe she was pregnant with her second child after a difficult first birth.  Her motivation for coming was to heal the first birth have a better (or even perfect) second birth.  Recognising the allure towards perfection, I suggested that for the topic of her art work, she focus on softening her image of perfection.  Softening Perfection

Below is her artwork and journalling as a result of the making the art:

A Perfect Rainbow

The perfect rainbow out of the perfect spiral, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet too.

Then yellow, my mind knows it must express yellow, it is clear and absolute, then as I again move towards red, I realise that I am following a different pattern.

A moment of despair, panic almost, disappointed that I am fooled to yellow where red should be – but the next moment embracing, unfolding, yellow too is “perfect”. And as I accept my imperfections, I realise how strangely also all is perfect. The journey into labour will unfold with perfection, not the perfection of mind seeking to answer its own questions, but the perfection of simply allowing what is.

All is allowed.

Everything is possible.

The colours dance and sing, green, blue, yellow, red again, it no longer matters – the spiralling rainbow of experience contained within the whole.

At the edge of the paper red and on the other side a gap – although before I would have longed symmetry, today I consciously choose blue.

My experiences held between my expectations of perfection and control and surrender and balance.

Red and blue, opposite, yet united as I and my sweet unborn simply breathe free in the space in-between.

So you may be wondering what type of stone I did choose in the end! Well I choose one white one with black dots and a rough surface, as well as a  “perfectly” formed smooth flat round one – my perfectionist streak couldn’t resist!

If you are a mum who wants to have feel happier in herself, with her children check out my book Frazzled to Fabulous in 5 Minutes a Day Follow my quick and easy step-by-step programme here https://www.frazzledtofabulous.com/