From a recent survey of 100 people, 1 in 3 said they would like to feel more connected to and loved by their mothers.
Your primary relationship is with your mother – She gave birth to you, probably raised you and loves you in the best way she knows how. In fact, even if your mother has passed away or didn’t raise you, there can still be incomplete relationship issues, such as a longing for things to have been different or a feeling of being unwanted or unloved.
So why is it that for so many people their relationships with their mothers is challenging and complicated?
In my work, I have heard so many times that mothers have made conscious decisions to do the opposite of what happened to them in their childhood such as something that their mother said for example ’Finish what is on your plate’ or ’You’ll catch your death of cold’. Children interpret the actions of their parents and create certain beliefs from those early experiences that they may carry through life. For example if a child was told to ‘always look on the bright side of life when things go wrong’, she might feel that it’s unacceptable to have sad or other negative feelings and so, in adult life, she might negatively judge or repress and end up internalising those feelings.
When I gave birth to my daughter I remember holding her when she was 3 days old and being totally blown away by the enormity of love that I felt for her. In that same moment I realised that I too must be the recipient of such love from my mother, which I never knew. Mothers love their children in the best way they know how even when it doesn’t feel that way to the children. They do the best they can with the resources they have, and express their feelings in different ways, which are not always interpreted as loving by their children.
Many women, mothers or not, don’t often appreciate or give thanks to their mothers for, at the very least, giving them the gift of life, bringing them up for 16 years or so and doing the best they can. David Hamilton PhD, author of ‘Why Kindness is Good For You’, says that doing acts of kindness (such as giving flowers) is not just positive for the recipient but also has some wonderful positive side effects to the giver including makes for better relationships, making us happier, giving us healthier hearts, slows down aging and is contagious!
If you are a mum who wants to have feel happier in herself, with her children check out my book Frazzled to Fabulous in 5 Minutes a Day Follow my quick and easy step-by-step programme here https://www.frazzledtofabulous.com/