Today I completed the foundation family constellations course with the Centre for Systemic Constellations. Many people ask me what Family Constellations is and the best answer I can give is that if you have a headache and go to the doctor, she will examine your head and give you appropriate medication. If you go to a holistic therapist with a headache, they will take you whole being into account – mind, body and spirit. If you go to a family constellator with a headache, they take the holistic approach even further and take your whole family system into account. The idea behind this is that everyone in one’s system is interconnected and that just like a baby’s mobile, pulling one side of the mobile will cause an imbalance in the mobile as a whole and affect other sides of the mobile. The aim of a family constellator is to restore balance into the family system with the intention of bringing about more wellbeing and harmony to the individual with the problem (eg the headache) which then influences the family system as a whole.
I have been introducing some of the family constellations concepts into my EFT work for some years now but wanted to deepen my understanding of the work for both personal and professional benefits.
As I reflect on the course, one of my biggest challenges highlighted was one of needing to feel safe within the group. When I first met the group and we started working, it would have been inconceivable to me that by the end of the course, I would be able to feel safe enough to allow myself to be vulnerable with an old belief of not feeling good enough. As I allowed myself to deepen into these feelings rather than push them away, I allowed shame and inadequacy to arise and invited the courage to welcome them and have compassion towards that vulnerable part of myself.
One of the processes we were invited to take part in was to stand in the room where we felt our place was within the group with a cushion placed in the middle to represent the centre of the group. I almost rushed to the door feeling unbearable yuckiness! And allowing myself to be present with it. With the skilful, gentle and compassionate support of our trainer, Chris Williams, I was able to face my deepest fear of facilitating a constellation to the whole group of my peers with the support of him and a team I dedicated to be my panel.
Even though I stumbled quite a few times, I felt so supported and loved by the group at all times. I was able to allow my feelings of not good enough to be present without them taking over and lovingly stay focussed on the task in hand. At the end of the process the group offered feedback which was positive which I found hard to take into my heart. One participant suggested I put my hand on my heart and say I accept and receive which I found very moving.
At the closing of the course, we each shared our last reflections and I felt proud to say “I belong, I am safe. I feel seen.”
