Do you celebrate Christmas?
Are you looking forward to it?
Are you attending a family gathering?
Christmas is usually a time for family gatherings. It often involves seeing family you haven’t seen for a while or even since last Christmas. Nowadays people are more dispersed from their families living in another part of the country or abroad. Many people I speak to don’t relish the idea of spending a day or few with relatives they avoid during the rest of the year.
Being together at a family gathering can invoke old family dynamics and patterns that can be avoided the rest of the year.
For example a successful business woman might lose her voice when confronted by her ageing father and feel like the little 5 year old being scolded again.
Some people might consciously avoid these family situations by going on holiday or prefer to be with friends or alone. And others might have been excluded from the family unit due to unresolved family issues.
Yesterday I attended the lovely Red Tent in St Albans and shared a small but powerful process using family constellation concepts to help get clarity about family dynamics. In this version I have added some EFT to the mix:
- Choose a family member you have a challenging dynamic with or you may want to choose your family as a complete unit
- Write the family member name on a piece of paper or the simply write “family” on the paper
- Place the piece of paper on the floor in the place that feels right to you.
- Spend ideally 5-10 minutes exploring how it feels standing in various positions, distances and directions in relationship to the family member or family unit.
- Find the place where you feel most comfortable in relationship to your family member
- Say to him or her: “I am xxx (your name). I am your xxx (your relationship to them). You are my xxx (their relationship to you). We belong to the same family” For example: “I am Tamara. I am your daughter. You are my father. We belong to the same family” or “I am Tamara. You are my family and I am belong to it/ you.”
- Add any other words that you need to say to them or would like to hear from them.
At any stage of the process, if any physical or emotional discomfort arises, do EFT on that until there is no intensity left. If you have not done EFT before, you can download a free manual here. Here are some example setup statements for various scenarios:
- Even though I can’t stand any nearer to you than this and actually if the room was larger I would be even further away, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
- Even though my heart feels heavy when I look at you, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
- Even though I can’t say those words, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
- Even though I just want you to accept me the way I am, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
- Even though I can’t be the person you want me to be and am tired of trying, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
To finish off the process do a round of Positive EFT on however you would like to experience your Christmas eg peace, joy, acceptance, connection, belonging.
Wishing you a very peaceful, joyful and loving festive season.
