When I went to see Scrooge, performed by the lovely Rickmansworth Players. For those you who aren’t familiar with the story, Scrooge, is a miserly and mean old man and as the story unfolds, it reveals that he had a challenging childhood of poverty and abandonment.
Image by Martin Smith of Origin8 Photography
It appears that he may have created beliefs such as:
- If I’m rich all will be well
- People I care for leave so don’t get attached to anyone
His fiancée was waiting for him to be ready to get married but he kept putting it off with the excuse that they don’t have enough money yet. When she gave him an ultimatum, it is not surprising that, given his beliefs about money and love, he chose money.
We create beliefs about ourselves and about life in childhood. Typical beliefs might include:
- I’m invisible (for example if parents always give attention to a sibling)
- I’m not good enough (for example if parents never seem pleased with child’s grades)
- I need to take care of myself as nobody will do it for me (for example after a divorce, a mother has to work long hours and is not available)
We are often not aware of the beliefs we subconsciously create as children but act as if they are the truth and play out in adult life. So for example, someone who created the belief that they aren’t good enough as a child may not go for a job that they are well qualified for as an adult.
Often we overcome these beliefs by rationalising or overcompensating so for example someone who feels invisible might force themselves to be in the public eye in order to feel seen and try to compensate for feeling invisible.
But when one gets together with family gatherings at Christmas or birthdays, the old childhood patterns can start replaying. For example someone who is successful in adult life might feel small and weak in the family circle. Other feelings might be triggered with negative emotions such as anger, resentment, guilt, shame or fear.
Nowadays families are often dispersed and only come together on festive occasions which can intensify these old patterns making people feel uncomfortable in that environment.
If that is something that feels familiar to you and you’d like to feel happier and more peaceful about being around your family, here are some resources that could help you:
If you are a mum who wants to have feel happier in herself, with her children check out my book Frazzled to Fabulous in 5 Minutes a Day Follow my quick and easy step-by-step programme here https://www.frazzledtofabulous.com/
