Illustrator Angie Stevens, author of Doodlemum, says that after having 3 children, she found that drawing family life helped her to rediscover who she was – “You lose your identity. It’s such a cliche to say that, but you need to find out who you are. You go for years not sleeping because you love them but you wonder how you fit into this. You look in the mirror and don’t recognise yourself any more.”
Birth Art Cafe
As founder of the Birth Art Cafe – a weekly meeting of pregnant women and mothers to explore the motherhood journey through creativity and relaxation – I have come to realise the importance of sentiments above. As Pam England of Birthing From Within suggested, becoming a mother is a life transition and a rite of passage. When a baby is born, two births occur – the birth of the baby (which we all know) and the lesser known birth of the mother. It is a rite of passage from maiden to mother which is forgotten in our culture.
In all rites of passage, time for integrating life changing transitions is necessary. Our culture encourages mothers to get back to normal as soon as possible. Just look at the glossy magazines with the latest celebrities having just given birth are now back to their pre-birth weight looking glam and gorgeous! Instead of looking for strategies to get back to normal and resisting the uncertainty of this unfamiliar state, I encourage mothers to embrace and relax into it. So instead of having competition to see who can get back to normal as soon as possible, it would be more beneficial for mothers (and fathers) to be supported in simply “Being” at that point of transition – the no“woman’s” land. Acknowledge that it is OK not to know what to do and accept temporary loss of identity.
The back-to-normal race is exacerbated by the fact that at 6 weeks, new mums go to the doctors, get checked and are told they are back to normal and can have sex again. If a woman is fit and healthy she may feel back to normal but more likely, particularly if the birth has been difficult, the physical recovery will be harder. Integrating the transition takes place on all levels – physical, emotional, mental, social and spiritual. I encourage couples to think, instead of back to normal, forward to a new normal. This normal takes time to develop – around 2 years per child is a more realistic period of time. In my opinion, when mothers try to push through the feelings of not knowing who they are, keep busy and try to force themselves to get back to normal, they can increase the chances of experiencing post-natal depression.
Luckily for Angie, she has a supportive husband who gently encouraged her to get back to her artwork that allowed her to express her feelings through creativity which is exactly what happens at the Birth Art Cafe. To find a Birth Art Cafe near you, please go to: Birth Art Cafe Locations or to train as a Birth Art Cafe mentor, contact me for upcoming dates. Training details are here.
If you are a mum who wants to have feel happier in herself, with her children check out my book Frazzled to Fabulous in 5 Minutes a Day Follow my quick and easy step-by-step programme here https://www.frazzledtofabulous.com/