At our EFT level 1 workshop yesterday, a common issue arose about the effect of saying negative statements in EFT. These kind of questions often arise from those who do the work of Louise Hay (creator of Hay House – mind, body & spirit publisher), affirmations and the Law of Attraction. It can appear on the surface that that saying a negative statement such as:
“Even though I am really angry with him, I deeply and completely accept myself”
could reinforce the fact that you are angry with him – after all, affirmations often begin with the words “I am”. Some people are concerned that saying “I’m angry” may attract more anger into their life?
Louise Hay, Queen of Affirmations, made a wonderful video last year with Nick Ortner (EFT leader, and creator of The Tapping Solution,) about the use of EFT. This video is 22 minutes long and well worth viewing.
Nick says to Louise: “I get a lot of pushback from people who say I’m scared to look at that – I’d rather do an affirmation right away”. Louise replies that “If you are going to clean the house you are going to have to see the dirt”.
Although affirmations are extremely effective in many situations, sometimes an affirmation can be like a plaster over a wound. With the anger example some people may prefer to affirm “I am at peace and I forgive him”. This may work for some but for others it may cause a suppression of anger and a forgiveness that is only skin deep.
If you are wondering how to recognise whether there is a true letting go of the negative, check in with your body to see what sensations are present when you state the affirmation. If there is tension, heaviness, aches or pains, the chances are that there is some suppression. If there is lightness and relaxation in your body, you are most like to be aligned with your affirmation.
With EFT the key is to state exactly how it is for you without judgement or holding back. If for example you are feeling totally furious and feel like you hate his guts, a statement that reflects that is most appropriate for example:
“Even though I am absolutely furious and I hate his guts, I am open to accepting these horrible feelings inside me”
Sometimes it can be cathartic to have a good old rant about your feelings (while tapping) thereby allowing them to be present and enabling them to be heard, acknowledged and then released rather than repressed, internalised and stored in some part of your body only to show up as a physical symptom at a later stage.
After a round or two of EFT to allow all those horrible feelings to be present, you will most probably feel lighter and be able to say:
“Even though I am still angry with him, I don’t forgive him, I deeply and completely accept myself”
This may evolve as follows (doing a round on each of these setup phrases):
“Even though I can’t let go of that last bit of anger because if I do I let him off the hook, I deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though I don’t want to let him off the hook because I am right and he is wrong, I deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though I am attached to staying right in order to make him wrong, I deeply and completely accept myself”
“I am open to the possibility of letting go of my anger while acknowledging that what he did is unacceptable and I deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though what he did is unacceptable I understand why he did it and I deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though he did the best he could with the resources he had at the time, and it wasn’t good enough, I deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though it happened, I have compassion for myself, that I went through this and I deeply and completely accept myself”
“Even though it happened, it wasn’t acceptable, I am open to the possibility of forgiving him”
“I choose to be open to the possibility of allowing myself to experience forgiveness in my own time, in my own way so that I may be free of these negative feelings”
“I choose to invite feelings of peace, love and acceptance into my life”
“I infuse myself with peace, love and acceptance into every cell, atom and molecule of my whole entire being”
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