Baby Loss

Baby loss was a theme that several of my retreat participants connected to, during a process involving connecting with their female ancestors (which were represented by pieces of coloured felt).

One woman reflected on how sad she felt that the female line in her family stopped with her as she had two boys and so did her sister. I invited her to tap on those feelings. As she released some of the sadness, she shared how she was convinced she was carrying a girl up to the moment her baby was born, even though her amniocentesis had shown a boy. She said that she had lost the girl she thought she was having. So I asked her who else had lost a girl in her family system, and she shared that her grandmother had and that it had not been spoken about. So we did some more tapping on:

• her grandmother’s loss and grief
• the challenges of her grandmother not being able to handle the loss and grief
• connecting with the possibility that out of unconscious loyalty to her grandmother, she was carrying the undigested grief for her grandmother
• accepting that it was not possible to take her grandmother’s pain away by trying to carry her grief
• acknowledging that trying to carry her grandmother’s pain, harms my participant
• with deep love and respect, handing back the grief that does not belong to my participant to her grandmother

  

  All set for the day!

  

  Symbols representing the intentions for the day

  

  Exploring intentions through the mother & father lines

  

  Facing the ancestors

  
  

As I tapped with her on this issue, the baby loss theme triggered grief from other woman who could relate. One of them lost four babies. I asked her to choose some pieces of felt to represent each of her lost babies as well as her living child. To each of the lost babies, we tapped on:

• acknowledging the lost babies place in the family (first, second etc)
• releasing her sadness at the short time they spent together
• letting them know that they each have a place in her heart and live on through her

Her reflections the next day were:

“I have transformed from feeling sad and ashamed of my body and the lost babies to glowingly proud to be a mum”

When baby loss, including miscarriage, abortion or termination, is grieved and given a place in the family, the family system can be at peace. When the loss is buried, hidden, a taboo, shamed or ignored, the family system will try to rebalance itself by bringing lost baby awareness into future family members to heal and resolve. If you are struggling with issues connected with lost babies that you would like to sensitivity and respectfully heal, sign up to receive notifications about the next retreats or book a 1-2-1 session