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What to do when your child doesn’t get things done?

by | Oct 30, 2019 | Motherhood | 0 comments

Here is my response to a question in a mums facebook group asking for advice on how to handle a teenager who doesn’t get things done:

“I really feel for you. And although this may be unpopular, I would like to offer you another way of looking at this. In my experience of working with mums (and having a teenager myself!) the more we stress/ worry/ lose sleep about… our children’s habits eg not getting stuff done, the more it impacts our teens and their behaviour. Its easy to say relax – let them find their own way and deal with the consequences of their actions as this is the way they learn…, much harder to actually do!

One exploration is to ask what the worst thing about them not getting stuff done is. With regards to studies, its often things like, “I don’t want them to fail like I did” or “I’m concerned about them not doing as well as their older sibling and them feeling not good enough” or “I’m worried about them needing their grades in order to get a good job to earn enough money when in this day and age its harder to achieve a good standard of living for young people” etc

We want our teens to get things done so that they won’t suffer in the long term. Their suffering causes our suffering. But we need to separate our feelings from their actions and experiences. There are many ways of doing this. The one that I use is EFT but there is also meditation, relaxation and others.

When we can release our feelings from the situation, we become more present with the concerns of our teens and can be more curious rather than stressed about their behaviour. From that place, its easier to generate communication about their actions and together discuss possible strategies/ consequences of non-action. You will be able to hear their concerns without your own emotions getting in the way. They will be able to receive your comments without feeling your stress and win-win solutions become possible.Please ignore if this is not relevant!”

If you are a mum who wants to have feel happier in herself, with her children check out my book Frazzled to Fabulous in 5 Minutes a Day Follow my quick and easy step-by-step programme here https://www.frazzledtofabulous.com/